Monday, May 4, 2015


Dear Olive,

With your impending bundle on the way and several friends who are also about to succumb to the newborn haze, I've constructed my game plan for visitation.

When I first had Gabriel, I was still getting used to the breastfeeding schtick and insomnia.  Basically, the two of us slept semi-nude in two hour increments on my couch.  I remember the panicked hysteria I felt when there was an unexpected 1pm knock at the door and I was wearing not more than my husband's bathrobe covered in squeezy peanut butter.  To avoid being the perpetrator in such a situation, I have devised the following guidelines for my upcoming visits of parents with newborns:

  • Be sure to give them at least 24 hours notice of your visit so that they can get out of the bathrobe.  Text when you are at the door instead of ringing the doorbell.

  • Bring them a gift card for a local restaurant that delivers something other than pizza.

  • Or, bring a crockpot meal that is labeled and already frozen, so they don't feel obligated to consume it immediately and instead can stash it away for a feeding emergency.

  • Call on your way over and offer to stop at the drugstore for anything they need.

  • Bring the mom the following new outfit: stretchy leggings in her size.  An oversized t-shirt.  A pretty headband.  New slippers.

  • Inventory the new parent over the phone about which of the following tasks she would not be horrified to have a guest complete, and then print out ten of these sheets to post as a pad on the refrigerator:
  • Make these parting gifts for other visitors also coming to adore the infant.

  • Take a few photos of the babe and mother.  Photoshop any under eye circles on the parent and then send a Shutterfly or Pinhole Press keepsake (ornament, fridge magnet, journal) to the parent a few weeks later with any of these subscription package ideas.

Rocking baby visits provides far more immediate gratification than rearing young.  I highly recommend it. 

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