Friday, May 29, 2015


Dear Olive,

The bundle is here!  And he is perfection.  I can't wait to come and breathe in his newborn scent.  Now that you are a mother of two, I have a sad fact to relate to you:  You will never complete the 2nd baby book.  Instead, I have a recommendation.  Write milestones and a quick note in their favorite book for the month... the one that you seem to read over and over so much that you remember all the words.  Then save the tattered loved books for their kids.

I've decided to chronicle my kids' book faves by sending the same book to Johnny at each stage.  First up, a universal winner.  Goodnight Moon!  You should get it in a few days.  Enjoy!  And kiss my godson for me!

Love you!

Thursday, May 21, 2015


Dear Olive, 

Is your kid obsessed with rocks?  Man these things buy me a lot of time.  

We often lie in the pile in our neighbor's yard telling each other stories with them.
Our neighbor totally thinks we are weird.

So we stole some from him and made a set of "story stones."  They worked out pretty well until one member of the club threw a "sword" stone at the other's head.  

Monday, May 11, 2015


Dear Olive,

A few years ago, I read this book.  It captivated me.  Not for the obvious voyeuristic reasons, but because it struck me as an unlikely stroke of feminism to apply science to sex.  The implications included:

  • Defining the pleasure and response of women underscored them as equal partners and; sometimes, more highly evolved physiologically.
  • Passion, ambition, and grit often outpace the limitations of a lack of higher education.
In a world that has come so far since 1960, I often think how lucky I am that so many women risked so much to get us to where we are, and how I reap the benefits daily in other ways that sometimes have nothing to do with sex.  

You can also watch this new series.

Sunday, May 10, 2015


Dear Olive,

Remember my note to you from Mother's Day last year?

"While smugly recounting my Mother's Day glory of breakfast in bed, naps, and steaks, my children decided to keep it real with a feces fest in the bath. Finished out the day with a 45 minute scrub job of the bath, both kids (again) and, seemingly, every toy they own. I got a cold shower later since all the hot water had been consumed. Well played Ella. The spell has broken and I am once again your slave."

Well, this year we have our sixth bout of the stomach flu.  

Hope your Mother's Day was shinier than mine... that childhood doll propaganda was all a lie.

Monday, May 4, 2015


Dear Olive,

With your impending bundle on the way and several friends who are also about to succumb to the newborn haze, I've constructed my game plan for visitation.

When I first had Gabriel, I was still getting used to the breastfeeding schtick and insomnia.  Basically, the two of us slept semi-nude in two hour increments on my couch.  I remember the panicked hysteria I felt when there was an unexpected 1pm knock at the door and I was wearing not more than my husband's bathrobe covered in squeezy peanut butter.  To avoid being the perpetrator in such a situation, I have devised the following guidelines for my upcoming visits of parents with newborns:

  • Be sure to give them at least 24 hours notice of your visit so that they can get out of the bathrobe.  Text when you are at the door instead of ringing the doorbell.

  • Bring them a gift card for a local restaurant that delivers something other than pizza.

  • Or, bring a crockpot meal that is labeled and already frozen, so they don't feel obligated to consume it immediately and instead can stash it away for a feeding emergency.

  • Call on your way over and offer to stop at the drugstore for anything they need.

  • Bring the mom the following new outfit: stretchy leggings in her size.  An oversized t-shirt.  A pretty headband.  New slippers.

  • Inventory the new parent over the phone about which of the following tasks she would not be horrified to have a guest complete, and then print out ten of these sheets to post as a pad on the refrigerator:
  • Make these parting gifts for other visitors also coming to adore the infant.

  • Take a few photos of the babe and mother.  Photoshop any under eye circles on the parent and then send a Shutterfly or Pinhole Press keepsake (ornament, fridge magnet, journal) to the parent a few weeks later with any of these subscription package ideas.

Rocking baby visits provides far more immediate gratification than rearing young.  I highly recommend it.